OK…here is some cheap humor are some real-life signs people may want to look for when playing poker.  They may or may not be funny, but each of these examples is completely and totally real.  I’ve compiled a list of these things over the years.  I can cite at least one instance of every “you might be a donkey” line below, and in many cases, I’ve seen them multiple times.  Of course, none of them apply to me as far as you all know.

With all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy …

1. If you’ve ever had somebody pay you to sit in a cash game … you might be a donkey.
2. If you’re nickname is Eeyore or Nemo … you might be a donkey.
3. If people get tired of you asking if action is to you … you might be a donkey.
4. If you have more chip covers in front of you than chips … you might be a donkey.
5. If your host assures you there is plenty of reading material to keep you busy between tournaments … you might be a donkey.
6. If people seek you out before tournaments to make last-man-standing bets with you … you might be a donkey.
7. If you can name every hand in which somebody sucked out on you because it doesn’t happy very often … you might be a donkey.  (Think about that one.)
8. If you wear sunglasses to a $20 tournament, but not to the beach … you might be a donkey.
9. If your four-times-the-pot, river, all-in bet has ever been called by somebody with middle pair on the board, and you lost the hand … you might be a donkey.  (He still doesn’t believe he has a tell.)
10. If you’ve ever used the term “positive EV” at a poker table … you might be a donkey. 
11. If you’ve never used the term “positive EV” away from the poker table because you don’t know what it means … you might be a donkey.
12. If you’ve won more playing craps than poker … you might be a donkey.
13. If you’ve uttered the words “that’s how they do it on TV” in the past month … you might be a donkey.
14. If your favorite tournament is one in which they ask you “which color chips do you want to be” … you might be a donkey.
15. If the host offers players a cash reward to get you to play in their cash game … you might be a donkey.  (And the cash reward was significant.  I hope to collect it soon.)
16. If you’ve ever thought you scooped an O8 cash pot (Omaha Hi/Lo) and didn’t win anything because you forgot you have to use two cards in your own hand … you might be a donkey.
17. If people at the table are talking about PLO and you start talking about Palestine and terrorism … you might be a donkey.  (I kid you not, it happened.)

Until next time,

KC

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